Kumusta!

Kumusta means how are you in Tagalog (Philippine's national language) it is almost similar to como esta in Spanish. It's nice to meet all of you.

First of all, I had a hard time figuring this out. I am not a computer nerd. I can surf and do emails chats with my friends but not blog. As you can see, I have posted a "ghost" entry for I do not know what I am doing. I had online classes the last three semesters and none of the classes I took gave us the opportunity to meet the other "roomies" online through the blog. I am glad that you have thought about this.

Anyway, let's get to the point. My name is Lucille and I am a fortyish single mother of three - Monille (15), Medille (13) and Ed (10). As you already know, I am from the Philippines. I migrated here in 1990 in my early twenties, single and lovely (yeah). I was in my fourth year in college (major in business administration) when I did not give a second thought to quit school in exchange of my freedom. Yes, you heard me right, my freedom. I came from a family of strict disciplinarians (aunts and uncles included) and a well-known family of politicians and businessmen. We basically cannot do whatever we please (no haircut shorter than shoulder length, no short-shorts in public or no chaperone in movie trips and shopping sprees to name a few). Although I have no regrets (I am lying) to have been brought up that way but I took the vow to break the vicious cycle of control. Well, we travelled out of the country together as a group but never allowed to be on our own. I took that challenge when one day I finally decided to leave. Out of respect for my father, I informed him and asked for his blessings (whether he liked or not) that I was ready to spread my wings. This started the exodus of my other 3 cousins who followed my lead.

Selfish as it may sound but I wanted to break free. I was young then (excuses) and besides I did not have my own identity. It was always like this, "you must be the daughter of Emen Abines" or "how are you related to the congressman". Dont get me wrong, I loved the special treatments but it got to the point that it became annoying and I did not feel true happiness.

So, life being alone here was hard. There were times I did not have some cash and I had to call home. I was always told to get on the next plane out, I refused. It was hard but it was cool at the same time. I met my ex husband in 1993 and after three months of dating he asked me to marry him. It was a big deal for me. I thought, I was saved by the bell. I got pregnant right away with my eldest after the wedding and it changed my life forever. I was a stay-at-home mom for a few years until it drained me. In 1995, six months after I gave birth to my second baby, I decided to go back to school and enrolled at the University of Nevada in Reno but my in-laws did not like the idea. They pressured my husband to stop me from going. That was the start of another dramatic turn in my life. I felt that I was being controlled once again. I started to stand up for myself (argued too much) against my in-laws. I called my father and asked if Icould come back home but then he told me to stay because it was the life I chose. I listened and stayed for another 8 years until I was ready to leave in 2003, moved here in 2004 and filed for divorce in 2005. In 2007, I was liberated from all the heartaches and the abuse. It was exhilirating.

The drama did not end there. I got my first job in a casino here and I earned good money. I worked with the same casino since 2004 until I was laid off last year. I took it as a blessing in disguise since my grades were affected (in 2008, I stopped asking for favors to change my schedule to accomodate me), my health was affected (1-2 hrs of sleep a day) and had brush with death so many times in the freeway as I dozed behind the wheel. I continued my education in the Fall, took 18 units a semester and got a 4.0 GPA. It is a bitter-sweet experience. Now, I am in my last semester and hopefully UC-Riverside will accept my application.

I chose to share with you this part of my life because I want to get the lessons learned from my journey. We learn from our past mistakes and as we endure all the heartaches and pains, we become wiser, stronger and become better persons. We give up some things to satisfy our needs and sometimes it comes with a price. Also, I missed alot of years from being with my father. Since 1990, I went back home in 1997 for 6 weeks and again in 2001 for his funeral. He died of lung cancer at 59 years old. I wept and grieved for so long but he came in my dreams and he was all smiles in my dreams and I knew that it was okay and he was in a safer place.

Lastly, in our journey let us not forget that there is a higher power. Remember, we are not given trials and challenges if we cannot overcome them. And when we stumble do not be afraid to get up and try again. When one says no, it is his or her loss. If one door shuts another one opens. Do not lose hope, you guys. Life is like a wheel of fortune- sometimes we are up and sometimes we are down.

Before I go, I must say that we are all in this together, so let us have fun and learn from each other. Have a great semester and wishing each and all of you success and happiness. Hep! Hep! Hurray!

It's me,

Lucille